His Maddening, Challenging, Remarkable Woman
by unbrokensaviorwithperfecthair
Summary: Killian helps Emma deal with her mixed feelings about Ingrid's death. Rated T for Emma's colorful language.


**So this sort of came about because I really liked Ingrid, and saw similarities between her and Emma, and wanted to see Emma at least acknowledging that Ingrid meant something to her. Hopefully I'll get my wish in 4B.**

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><p>With a happy sigh, Killian pushed the door to his room at Granny's open. The Snow Queen had been defeated, he had his heart back, and Regina was holding up alright, so far, anyway. For Henry's sake, he hoped it stayed that way.<p>

What –or who– Killian didn't expect to find sitting on his bed was a nervous-looking Emma Swan.

"Is everything alright, love?" He asked, his voice laced with concern.

"Um, yeah," she nodded quickly. "I mean, yeah, but sort of no." She sighed, "I don't know."

"Well," he said, shrugging his jacket off and tossing it on the nearest chair before sitting down next to her, "I take it it's nothing too urgent."

"No, nothing like that."

"Then what?" he asked patiently. When she only pressed her lips together in response, he snaked an arm around her back in an attempt to gently coax her out of the shell she'd seemed to have built in the past few days. It was different than her walls, but concerning nonetheless.

"Ingrid and Elsa," she sighed and looped her fingers together. "I have all my memories about my time with Ingrid back. She was my foster mother for six months." She added quietly, "She had been filling out adoption papers when I ran away." She sniffled and rested her head on Killian's shoulder, and he held her tighter. "I thought she was crazy. Like, completely off her rocker nuts. She pulled us in front of a car because she thought I was magical and could stop the car. At the time, I didn't know it was true, but… I guess that doesn't really change things. I ran away. Up until that point, I _did_ love her, though. She was the first person who actually took an interest in me, and she did genuinely care about me. Up until her, all the other foster parents I'd been with sent me back to the system when I got to be too much to handle." Emma smiled a little. "Not her, though. She acknowledged I had walls, and she pushed, but not too much. She didn't try to be my mom, just… whoever I needed her to be. I'm still not entirely sure exactly who she was to me."

"Someone special," Killian said quietly, brushing a lock of blonde out of her face. "Someone you loved."

"Yeah," she sighed and laced her fingers between Killian's larger ones. "She got me. She understood me. And not exactly in the way you do. You know what I need and what I want, even if I don't know myself. She…" the blonde chewed her bottom lip, trying to find the words to articulate her scrambled thoughts. "She understood why I acted the way I did. I remember admiring her and respecting her before she tried to get me to stop a moving car. I think that was the first time I'd ever respected an adult. She was so different than any other foster parent I'd ever had. I was used to drunken men and bruised and battered women." She didn't feel the need to mention that the bruised and batteredness extended to her more often than not. "But Ingrid had up to five kids in her house at once, all by herself, with a job. I don't remember her ever yelling or losing her temper. There was just this calm, reserved-ness to her, this quiet strength… it was like a breath of fresh air, Killian. I may have thought she was crazy, but at least it was a stable home where I was treated well. In fact, that was probably the best I was ever treated, and the longest I'd ever stayed. I could have had a permanent home, but I let my past and insecurities get the best of me and I ran. I hated myself because I thought the only person that could ever love me was batshit crazy. Nobody normal would ever love me, and I thought I was better off on my own. God, I was so stupid," she laughed humorlessly and shook her head, swiping at the moisture on her cheeks. "And now she's gone, and I never got to tell her that if I could go back, I would have stayed. I never got to tell her how important she was to me."

"She sounded like an incredible woman," Killian said, tightening his hold on Emma.

"She was," the blonde agreed solemnly.

"But not as incredible as you." At that, Emma let her pirate fully embrace her. She buried her face in his neck and didn't bother trying to stop the tears that were now freely flowing from her eyes. "Unfortunately, love, she's another person you've had to lose. It may not be fair, but it's another a lesson, aye? You may not fully see it, but with every person you've lost, you've grown a bit, and changed your views. In the past, it's been to build walls and distrust, but perhaps this time it can be to embrace what you have, especially when it comes to your parents?"

"It's not fair," she whimpered, and his heart broke.

"I know it's not, love." He kissed the top of her head. "I'd do anything to make this better, but I suspect this is something only time will heal."

"I know it is," she said after a shuddering breath. After leaning against Killian a moment longer, she picked her head up and sat up straight with a concentrated effort on getting herself back together.

"Emma?" He asked curiously, wondering if he'd said something wrong.

"I'm not running," she assured him, "and you're right. It's like every other time I've lost someone, every other time the world has dealt and redealt me a shitty hand. All there's left to do is get back up and keep going."

"Emma, you don't have to dea–"

"Deal with it alone?" Emma cut in as she shrugged her jacket on. "I know. And I'm not. Did you forget the last five minutes? This is what I do, Killian. If I'm upset about something I can't change, I let myself be upset and then I push it to the back of my mind and get on with my life. If this was even a few months ago, I wouldn't even be having this conversation with you right now, let alone our little moment we just had. If I need anything, you'll be the first person I come to. But right now, I just need to try to move on because wallowing in self-pity won't change anything, it won't bring her back, and it sure as hell won't rewind the clock. And no, I don't want to go on another time-travelling adventure with you. I'd prefer our future adventures to involve normal couple things."

Killian stood up and closed the distance between them, pulling her in for a sweet, tender kiss. "You are the most maddening, challenging, remarkable woman I've ever met," he said, "and by the way, I eagerly await those adventures you speak of. In fact, Netflix sounds like quite the adventure."

"Henry's spending the night at Regina's on Friday, and Belle offered to watch Neal for them so they can go out… we'd have the apartment to ourselves. If you bring Granny's grilled cheese, I'll supply the Netflix."

"It's a date, then," he smiled and once again intertwined their hands.

"I'll see you Friday," she returned the smile with a hint of a smirk behind the surface, and slowly backed away, never breaking eye contact.

That woman was going to be the death of him. There weren't many things he was sure of in life, but he couldn't be more certain that that maddening, challenging, remarkable woman was going to kill him one way or another.


End file.
